That’s The Best I Can Do, And I’m Okay With It

“Fake it ’til you make it” has been a phrase I’ve heard all too often, and quite frankly I hate it. It’s basically insinuating that my original, honest attempts have not been good enough. If this is your life’s motto and it works for you, great! By all means continue. However, whenever I have channeled this attitude I’ve ended up feeling unsatisfied until I have reached my goal. And once my goal has been reached, then what? I still have a taste of despondency and end up craving the next big thing. Especially since the value in my journey to success has been lost in a lie.

The phrase “fake it ’til you make it” made a lot of headline in my military career. In my head, I really had no other option than to fake enjoyment of month long field problems with no shower. Or long ruck marches in the sweltering heat. That’s how I got ahead; just grin and bear it. Once I was on top, I needed to stay at the top at all costs. My “faking it” became a norm. Lying to myself on a daily basis all in the name of being the best and being “successful”. It was all too easy to get caught up in the lie, and I was never happy.

If I’m lying to myself and others on a daily basis, there is no way to be ultimately love myself. “I’m gonna fake loving myself, until I finally do.” NO; that makes zero sense. You can’t fake being a doctor until you finally receive a doctorate of medicine. You work your way through the grueling school work and exams until you are rewarded that honor. To love myself I’m gonna work through the debilitating days of self defeat and self hate. I need to work for it, and if I’ve truly put my best effort forward I’ll be much happier in the outcome.

That said, sometimes our most honest attempts and efforts and simply mediocre.  If I don’t want to put in the effort of color coordinating my top and bottom, I’m not going to. I’m not going to lie to myself and fake something that I do not want to do. And I’ll to rock my dusty pink skinny jeans and green sweater with or without confidence. I want to ensure that I always put my best effort towards my goals,successes, etc. no matter how small they are. And if I’m too busy faking it, there is no way it’s my best, and there’s no way I’ll be happy with it. Some days our best will simply be getting out of bed for the day. Some days our best will be something so amazing that we cannot believe we were capable. When those days happen, I want to be aware instead of being caught up in a lie that I told myself to get there. Mediocre might be the best I can do, and I’m okay with it.